Worthy.

November 7, 2020.

Pt. 1 There are many decisions and choices that I have made that I am not very fond of... But I’m always walking in reality with myself and accepting of what I’ve done.

But today I’m talking about my disgust with myself about past decisions 😂

Specifically Me “asking” a dude if he wants to be with me. I am very confident and I (used to) go for whoever I wanted. I’ve had my share of exes who told their friends or my friends they liked me, and I went to them like “what’s up? I heard you like me? Okay and why you can’t tell me that?” I hated that run around stuff lol. Anywho. So yeah.

I usually went in asking dudes this for clarity. I guess I had left this particular situation feeling “uneasy” and “confused”, I had drinks with the girls and decided to go marching in 😂😂

Figured I’d go back, ask to see if the situation was “dead dead” I went to ask to give it another shot in a sense because I was confused on what went wrong. I told myself it’s a 50% chance that it’ll be no, 50% chance for yes. I needed a firm clear response to move forward, and know that there was no backtracking to this situation. (Not ashamed of this)

I would be accepting of either answer, but I felt like I just needed to do it and get it over with LOL.

So, I definitely went around asking God like let me just go see something on my own real quick.

But booom God revealed to me my answer, smacked me around.... told me shut up and go sit down somewhere before the dude could even get back to me with forming his answer, I got a no. 😂

I laughed so hard in my pain 😭 but that’s not the point of the story!

It was That I felt I needed to ask a dude if he wanted to be with me.

That was degrading my worth, and I was viewing it the wrong way all this time. Thinking yeah I’m this confident person I can go after any dude I want, I can take rejection blah blah blah. Girl you are literally going after boys and technically asking them to be with you.

idk if it was because I was raised with brothers where I thought I could just holler at men, like they did women... idk where I learned it from I just did it 😂

(Some boys really hype this up when a girl goes after them, it gives him less work, they don’t have to shoot their shot lol)

In a way I was letting dudes define if I’m worthy of being with them, that’s backwards 🥴

Like when I really came to my senses about what I’ve been doing.... When I tell you I felt so disgusted with myself. It’s like when you learn the better way and you’re like ew, I used to do that? Or like when you look back at the outfits you used to wear in 2010. Ew, did I used to wear that? That type of disgust ya know. I’m good now, but I was like ouu I am never doing that again lol. When I got the “no” I didn’t lose any confidence, or get sappy. I was happy to move forward. It was the revelation and lesson behind everything that led me to understand that this is degrading. Nothing to do with him. Clearly I was going back because I thought he was someone of Substance, fun times, cool guy lol. We went our separate ways lol. This was around the time when I thought I knew what was best and good for my life vs. God knowing best. Sometimes we think why didn’t this “good” thing work out for me? and God said whooop try again! This is just another story about me, Mr.Guy was just used in the middle. So, I had to use our situation 🤗😂 I go about my situations differently now but God really dealt with me on the topic of letting ya man come to you. Know Your Worth. Your King comes to you, you don’t have to ask for him. Nor will clarity be needed. I released this for myself already but I shall release publicly in hopes for someone else.

You can still be confident and attract without taking the “hunter” position my girl.

My dating life is rated G for Ghetto 😌🥰 I like it here though.