Humility.

March 22, 2021. Pride comes in many shapes and sizes. I thought I learned humility but I was so wrong lol. I HAVE to choose it daily. I learn it every morning when I bow down at my father’s feet kneeling before him when I go to start my day and I still am not where I hope to be. I get a clearer definition of humility every day.

My struggle:

Lord I don’t get it? How do I feel Royal 👑 and like a dirty tissue at the same time?

I had such a hard time understanding that. It felt like two opposite ends of the stick. I didn’t know how to put myself down without feeling like I was talking trash to myself.

I didn’t know how to be humble and take pride in wearing a crown. Because I either put myself up really high thinking “I’m all that, I did that” or I downed myself really low feeling like trash. I didn’t know how to be both at once. I was fighting against myself. I was either Royalty or a peasant. Then the Mindset shift began, I am a servant. Because of how the world shows a servant it is displayed as dirty sometimes, a mistreated butler at times, maybe an underpaid waiter/waitress. A servant job does get dirty at times and does seem unfair. But when you take “I” and “them” out of the picture and realize who you’re serving (God) it’s easier to do.

I learn so much better when viewing myself as a servant. I’m still Royal 👑 because I’m God’s Child he calls his people, a Royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9). But I don’t get hype with that. I’m lifted up. Yet, I remind myself that I’m a dirty tissue because I am nothing without God. So, that’s how I keep myself below him. If I ever try to place myself above him, or to “take on” God’s role I remind myself of how worthy and faithful God is. I am nothing compared to God, yet he still loves me and chooses me. I am so thankful for the beauty in that. When others choose my shame, sin, doubt and wrongdoings. God still chooses me to teach me and love me. That’s why I choose humility. I choose to serve him. I no longer get caught in the “I did this or that” even in my previous posts about battling control issues/anxiety/ depression and everything else because I KNOW that without you God none of it was/ is possible.